Bullying: RAISE YOU'RE FUCKING KIDS

I am really sick of all this bullying talk and “our children must be protected, they're special.” People, get a fucking grip. You're children are only special to you, which doesn't automatically mean they deserve everything handed to them. When I was a kid, it built character to fucking lose once in a while. There's a difference between fairness and equality and just handing out gold stars to every snot-nosed whiner that passes through a fucking school.

All of us were bullied at some point or another in school, that's just the way kids are. Did you kill yourself over it? Did you ever stop to think they might be right based on your own poorly made choices? Did you really care what every single person fucking thought about you? Were you prosecuted in a fucking court of law for it? Bullying isn't a problem. Teaching our children some REAL self-esteem and moral values is what's a problem. Parents can't even talk to their kids anymore, they don't know how to deal with them, so they just hand all the parental responsibilities to schools, expecting them to do more work than they should. Then what do we do? Let a bunch of retarded Republicans cut unions. I've seen what teachers have to put up with every day and I still can't figure out why anyone wants such a thankless job. But now schools have more power of kids than fucking parents do and that infuriates me as a woman who intends to ACTUALLY raise her kids instead of having them for the fuck of it.

We tell our kids that they're all special and that they'll always succeed but that's just not true because that's not how life works. It sets them up for a harder fall when they don't succeed and then you have kids killing themselves over it. No one tells them not to worry about what everyone else thinks and just do what's comfortable for them so they dress like hookers at 14 years old and then people wonder why we have pedophiles or “statutory rape.” Sex is all over TV, music, movies, etc. That's what they're really learning from. And none of it has real values to it. Kids aren't learning to stand up for what they believe in anymore, they're being taught to just go with whatever is popular otherwise they'll stand out. Being different isn't being special anymore, it's being inconvenient. Well I say fuck that.

There is absolutely no need for teachers to sit with kids at lunch and critique the children's fucking lunches. If I want to give my kid a god damn brownie in their fucking lunch, I will. Eating wrong should not be a problem for children because they should be running around and playing, burning off some of that intense energy kids always have. What do we do instead? We take away recess and let the video games and television babysit them instead of making them play outside. People don't take their kids to parks because there are “predators everywhere!” and that's simply not true.

This new age of terror over children is sickening and none of these overly protected kids are learning anything other than to stay overly protected kids. That's why bullying has “gotten worse.” On top of not learning to have real self-esteem or to make good choices, parents and government and schools refuse to let these kids learn anything about growing up so the childish bullying that should have been lessened over time has only gotten worse.

I am sick and tired of seeing new bullying laws and oh this kid and oh that kid every single mother fucking day. Like bullying is fucking new or something. EVERYONE HAS BEEN BULLIED IN THEIR LIVES AND WE'RE JUST NOW DECIDING TO PUT SOME LAWS IN!? Should I hire a lawyer when I have kids and send him to school with them to make sure my under age child can't say anything that might offend and send him to fucking prison? These kids on trial for Phoebe Prince are just kids themselves and we're trying to put them away for murder. How is that not bullying? Everyone needs someone to fucking blame for every tragedy in this country. Has no one even slightly considered that maybe the girl brought her bullying on herself? Yes, it's very tragic that she thought suicide was the only way out of her poorly made choices, but parents need to stop pretending their children are perfect little angels and teach them how to be decent people instead of hoping and praying that your eternal praise is enough. It's not.

People should listen to George Carlin more.

Newest Bitching From Your Lady Blades

It's been a while since I shared a rant but let me tell you, I am sooooo ready for it. There are two particular topics I feel the need to rant about today and I labeled them as best as I could so you would know before reading it what the topic is. Just in case you are interested in one or the other, both, or neither. First up, Republicans, followed by New Cars.

Republicans
My first real problem today (and every god damn day) are Republicans. These people are certifiably batty and should in fact be receiving psychotherapy, probably at gunpoint. My reasons for Republican-hating are endless, but I'd like to start with this little gem: Bobby Franklin, Representative for Georgia.
It's not a secret that I hate Catholic religion (and the idea of religion at all) so I'm exceptionally unsurprised that this guy is a Christian extremist. I have to hate this guy on principal. Not to mention he's a woman hater. In this particular article he states that rape victims are not victims, they're “accusers” until someone has been charged with the crime. Prosecution has nothing to do with being a victim. Civilians killed in Iraq are still victims of the war whether or not we prosecute anyone for harming them. You are a victim of a crime the moment that crime has been committed, not after someone has been charged with it. He doesn't care about changing assault victims to “assault accusers” though. Victims of other crimes are still just victims of other crimes. But in crimes usually done to women, they're not victims. They're just some mouthy bitch, ruining the integrity of a man. Fuck that. This isn't even my biggest problem with his Bible-hugging bullshit, so I'll just move right along here.
This obvious abomination to humanity has also decided that he KNOWS life begins at conception, and being that he is a devout God-fearing man (and clearly knows everything ever), is “pro-life.” Representative Franklin wants uterus police. That's right, America, if this guy had his way, every fucking state in the United States of America would require every miscarriage investigated to be sure that you did not do it purposely. Even as a woman I have a hard time with how I feel about abortion. I mean, there's help for poor women to provide for a child and I don't think you should just go get an abortion because Daddy's trust fund money won't be yours anymore if he finds out you got knocked up by some high school drop out who works as a bartender. Rape VICTIMS (suck it, Franklin) should definitely be given abortions, Plan B, something. Women with known health issues that put their unborn fetuses at risk, i.e. “I smoked crack while I was preggo, HELLO GOVERNMENT MONEY!” or a history of mental disease or terminal diseases such as AIDS. Those women should have that CHOICE. Rich white girls who live off Daddy (Hey there, Paris Hilton!) should not have that choice. Check out a bit more than my ranting about his abortion law.
Don't you hate waiting around at the DMV for a week trying to renew your license, get a license, taking your kids to get theirs, etc.? Move to Georgia. Representative Bobby Franklin says:

“Free people have a common law and a constitutional right to travel on roads and highways that are provided by the government for that purpose. Licensing drivers cannot be required of free people, because taking on the restrictions of a license requires the surrender of an inalienable right.”

That's right, America! You move to Georgia and the idea of a license is clearly ludicrous. Why would anyone need a license? No police officer needs to know that you're really you when they pull you over or any kind of proof that you are of a high enough intellect to operate a car. Legally required to card you to buy cigarettes if you look under a certain age? Not in Georgia, apparently! Lets give our 10 year olds the right to buy cancer in boxes if we want to! Being carded to buy alcohol in bars or liquor stores? Well since he believes 12 years have an American right to drive, they should have an American right to drink, too. Since the existence of licenses is apparently useless, lets hope that these kids parents are at least telling their 9 year old not to drink and drive since they won't be learning it in drivers ed. And lets not forget that alcoholic community (which I'd bet is equal to or higher than that of the New England alcoholic community since it's the south)! Doesn't it just burn your ass when you get your license taken away because you nearly killed another human being while driving drunk? While I can't promise you won't be prosecuted when you finally do kill someone doing it (unless you killed a woman who was driving home from an abortion clinic), you can't get your license taken away in a state that doesn't have them. Don't believe someone is that fucking mental? Read more about it here.
Really, what is the difference between a Republican and a Christian? I thought there was supposed to be separation of Church and state but we practically have half our government run by men who should have been preachers instead of politicians. Just because you're a fucking Christ loving conservative doesn't mean everyone is or should be. Lead us, don't dictate our beliefs to us. Freedom of religion means I can decide for myself, not that I should be Christian because my state rep says so. I'm not afraid of Hell BECAUSE I'M ALREADY IN IT EVERY TIME I HEAR ABOUT A FUCKING REPUBLICAN.

Buying a New Car/Chevy's New Car
Yesterday morning I was listening to a morning show on the radio. They had a guy from some consumer report place about cars, I don't know, I didn't catch the beginning. Basically, he was there to consult people on new cars. Now let me tell you a little something about how I personally buy cars before I continue this story.
I'm only 21. I deliver papers, and while the money is decent (and at least unlike most people, I can say I have a job) I'll be broke before my next paycheck and I still have bills that need paying. There is no way in hell I can afford to buy a new car. Which is fine to me because I only need the thing to run and not be terrible on gas, after all, my job requires me to drive around 2-4 hours a night. I buy cars off of people's lawns for $400. I don't have grands lying around for even a used car on a lot. The car I recently bought off of someone's lawn cost me $400 and it required minimal fixing. Almost no body rot, decent mileage, a kickin' stereo, and brand new tires; I'm willing the tires and stereo alone cost more than I paid for the whole car. Not to long ago I got a flat tire while I was delivering papers and the flat tire exploded and ripped out my wiring harness, which everyone told me would cost at least a grand so I should just scrap the thing. Well, it's a Subaru and the parts are cheap so I decided to at least look into a harness for my car before giving up all hope. My car is a right side drive which makes my particular wiring harness even more rare and you know how much I'm paying for it? $150. My car will be back on the road as soon as I get my pay check and the mechanic puts it in for me.
Now, back to my original story. People started calling in to the radio station to ask this guy his opinion on buying new cars. I thought people bought new cars when the ones they already bought were run into the ground, but boy was I wrong. These people were calling in saying things like, “I was thinking of buying a newer model of my 2007. What do you think?” Really? There's probably nothing wrong with the car you bought 4 years ago, so why the everliving fuck would you need to buy a new one!? The simple fact is, they don't NEED to buy a new car, they just want a newer, sporty car. They want it to have as many features as the fucking iPhone has “apps.” Cars are a fucking fashion statement, just like having the newest iPhone is a fucking fashion statement.
America, neither of those things are fashion statements, they're semi-requirements for daily life. Most people require a car to get to and from work, grocery shopping, doctors appointments, ferrying kids to and from school, etc., while having a cell phone is convenient should aforementioned car break down or you're in an accident or something else equally important. They are NOT status symbols.
And while I am on the subject of cars, here's another thing that infuriated yet amused me endlessly: Chevrolet has a new car out that with a touch of a button, your car will read you your friend's Facebook updates. Do people really care that much about their social lives that they can't check it on their trendy iPhone's when they stop somewhere or when they just fucking get home? Who cares that much about their own god damn lives that they ABSOLUTELY NEED a car that will tell them SoandSo “is playing Call of Duty 74 on Xbox” while they're on the way to the club or whatever “hot scene” is hip nowadays? NOBODY. Then I asked Charlie, “What country does Chevy?” He replies, “America.” I thought so. Only Americans would be that obsessed with their own self to make that a standard feature in a fucking car.

PC vs. Consoles: Ranting and Raving of a Girl PC Gamer

In today's PC gaming market, it can be painfully difficult to find a game that is both well done and well worth its price. Just like every other kind of media now a days, game creators look to make a game they can hype up, rush out, and blow off, but unlike console gamers, PC gamers are not content with a game like, oh lets say, Halo. Or maybe...Call of Duty.

As PC gamers, we have the horse power to actually run hardcore games, so we don't want a medicore done-in-three-hours kind of game. We're looking for replayability as well as a good story and graphics that are aesthetically pleasing. When a game gets tons of hype and no support for its fanbase after release, it's fair to say we get a little pissed off. It doesn't help that console gamers are buying into this whole scam.

As I was walking through Best Buy with my boyfriend one day, we saw a huge fancy box labeled as Halo Reach. We could have crapped ourselves when we saw the price. When is the last time you paid eighty bucks for a video game, never mind one that is seriously overdone like terrible remakes of a movie you never even liked? Even on release day, console gamers tend to pay at least ten to twenty bucks more for the same game you can buy for PC.

People constantly make excuses to not PC game, but we have a huge range of games. Not only that, you use your computer for just about everything else, why not game on it too? From my experience, most console gamers are obsessed with social networking, so they must use their PC at least once or twice a day for Facebooking as well as surfing Youtube, doing homework, and who knows what else. How is it less convient to game on your computer as well? When a console gamer can make a logical and intelligent argument on the subject, I hope to be among the first to hear it.

The whole concept of consoles being considered a gaming platform is ridiculous anyway. They're nothing more than a toy and I will say right now, it's the only reason I have any respect for the Wii. Because they know it's nothing more than a toy. So you can play Transformers on it; this does not make you a gamer, this makes you a child being introduced to the basic foundations for being one.

Look at all the consoles there are now. There are three Playstations, two Xboxs (and I say 2 because the "new" XBox is just a refurb of the original 360), not to mention the consoles no one even remembers anymore like the Gamecube or the Super Nintendo. Every time a new console comes out, game creators only make their games for the newest consoles and PC, leaving you screwed out of playing new games unless you buy a console or get/upgrade your computer. (Unless you're the creators of Gears of War, in which case you only get the first one on PC and are forced into buying a PS3 or 360 if you're really that desperate to play 2 and 3. Neither I nor my boyfriend are that desperate.)

When a new console hits the market, you pay an absorbatent amount of money to purchase one, as well as purchasing the games you want ten to twenty bucks more than if you were to buy them for PC, as I mentioned. You pay at least five hundred bucks even on eBay or Craigslist for a new console, but you can upgrade your computer to run new games acceptably for less or equal to the amount you pay for the console. You also don't need to upgrade as often as most people believe. In the long run, you'd pay less keeping your PC upgraded than buying a new console every time one comes out.

Nothing can be done for console graphics since its hardware is limited, whereas a PC can be upgraded constantly. For most PC games, it's only a requirement to have parts like a Raedeon 5850 if you want to come off as a badass since most decent video cards will still run video games at acceptable frame rates. Furthermore, you generally don't require more than two gigs of RAM to run a game well. Everything else is more or less for bragging rights.

I've known someone who is an avid Halo fan and games strictly on the 360. What infuriated me to no end about her fanatiscism was the fact that she had no idea what the storyline was about in it because all she did was troll on XBox Live all day. I did my fair share of trolling on Diablo 2's Battle.net US East server, but I can tell you what the game is actually about. I really played the campaign single player multiple times before getting broadband and letting my friends rush me so I could do said trolling. I also actively played without rushing and trolling since that is in fact, the whole point of the game.

This childish trolling virus has spread into our community via World of Warcraft. I played WoW, so I can honestly tell you I think it's terrible. (On a side note, I hate when people hate something without knowing anything about it or even trying it.) The fact that Blizzard made a shirt that says, "I survived Barrens chat" should say it all, but who am I to judge what should be obvious to half a million people? When I played WoW, it was never about the game or the story. People thought I was crazy because I actually wanted to do quests and understand what was going on around me. I was even laughed at by my own guild for not making up a fictional name. Due to the fact it wasn't about the game, but about the social networking (or lack thereof), I decided my money would be put to better use in any other fashion than paying for WoW. Like letting birds make a nest with it.

Trolling is nothing new, but the whole reason I love to be a PC gamer is because most people actually cared about working together and knowing what they were doing (at least as long as you aren't playing Left For Dead...) instead of feeling like a man telling people they "couldn't possibly be female because girls don't play video games." I have girl parts and I bet I'd kick most male ass in games like Unreal Tournament 3 or Borderlands. Lately, the only decent way to play PC games is not online, but at LAN parties.

Finding enjoyable games to play in multiplayer is getting increasingly difficult as well. Apparently every game made for 360 can be played in multiplayer, as opposed to most PC games becoming less multiplayer friendly. Torchlight can only be played multiplayer thanks to a mod made by fans. Dragon Age can only be played with the AI. For the most part, most multiplayer friendly games for PC are FPS, not RPGs. After all, Battlefield 3 will supposively house 64 players in multiplayer. That's an FPS. On the up side, XBox players will only get half of that capacity for multiplayer.

In conclusion, the PC market and community is falling downhill fast and it's both heartbreaking and infuriating. We don't care if console gamers want to continue on their delusions that they're real gamers, as long as it stops affecting us. What do we want? Better games worth the money. When do we want it? NOW!

 On a side note, if you want some PC help (in any shape or form) then you should contact my boyfriend Charlie. He's a master and I'm not saying that because I'm his girlfriend, but because it's true. You can reach him here at his blog or here at his email.

    This is the end.
    I haven't seen the light shine through here in way to damn long and I just can't be blind anymore. There are shadows everywhere, my own screaming ringing in my ears. Each word I hear from those who proclaim their love for me is another cut on my heart and before to much time passes between, I make sure to give myself another one elsewhere.
    When I feel it slicing through me, I can breathe again, even if it's only for a little while. My eyes watch the ruby droplets sliding down my arm for as long as they can before I have to close them and force myself to see you. I'll never hear the end of it if I get blood on the rug. As if there aren't more important things in this life than a fucking rug.
    I can sit here on my bedroom floor staring the knife down all god damn night, but what good would that do? This is really the end of my patience. Dad always told me God would come to me in my time of need, but if that's true, then where the fuck is he now? Come on, Lord, I dare you to send me an angel. Dad can't look at me so why should God be any different? His angels wouldn't be able to look at me either.
    The crying always has to come before the cut. I wish it would end so I can move on, but the tears are surprisingly strong tonight. Each one is immediately followed by another, streaming in thick rivulets, but I can't stem them. Is it because this is the last time I'll do this? I pull my sleeve down over the scars that mark other nights like these to wipe them away, but their persistence leaves my effort futile. How many times have I done this? How many times have I just accepted lies from everyone, especially him?
    The people not lying to me are wasting their love on me. I'm not worth their time to waste their precious love on. They have to be the angels I've heard about because they're the only ones who can look at me; I mean really look at me. I don't know if they can see me the way I do; the real way, but I have to assume they don't because they still love me. I'll be doing them a favor by leaving them. They really believe I'm good enough to be loved and don't suspect at all that I'm draining them of their light.
    I miss the light. I haven't seen it in such a long time and when I think of it, I can feel my heart shattering. After so long in the blackness, I can't even be sure I would know what the light was like. I don't expect I'll ever see it again. There used to be a time I never saw shadows taunting me or the slice of silver beckoning me. Crimson was not the only color I lived for. Crimson is the only color I die for.
    I look down at the knife again and my hand tightens around the handle. Why waste time in a cut? I'm so ready for the end that I could fucking stab the thing right into my heart. No no no, if this is the way this is going to end, I'm going to watch it happen. I'm going to slip away from everything and everyone who wishes I was never born and I'm going to know it.
    I can hear you telling me, “You'll never do it. You're such a bitch. Have you ever loved me? I wish you would do it.” I always loved you, but the darkness and the screaming warped my heart a long time ago. It's hard to use it for good things like loving. You want me to do this. You want me to end my life and go away, to be swallowed into the darkness completely. You think I won't?
    This is the end.
    I'd do anything for you.

This is my first attempt at short story writing and I'm pretty sure I failed. I don't think it's long enough to qualify as a short stroy, more like obscenely long poetry, but I felt like adding anything more to it would take away from the emotion behind it. But really, poetry is still a form of storytelling.

Some Poetry to Describe My Thoughts at the Moment

After Thought

Just beyond my analization

I'm close to a realization.

But there isn't enough information

To prepare for modification,

Or my life of vindication.

There is no salvation

Or chance of purification

For a profusely sinning nation

That thrives on provacation

Or a drug induced vacation.

Children of Fear

Do not say a word, my children,

The world you know has run away.

Fate turned its back on you,

It decided that you must stay.

Welcome to your prison, children,

You will always smile here.

For eyes are always watching,

Preying on your fear.

The Chase

I am tortured in the dark,

With freedom just beyond the glass.

I can feel the end so near;

Executioners never remove their mask.

I can't escape this place,

A maze of constant fear.

I can say though, if I'm caught,

They'll make me disappear.

Palace of Bars

The palace of bars will forever keep you here.

You're used to it now and never shed tears.

The hopes and dreams of freedom dissipated with time.

You no longer desire to see the sun shine.

Who Wasn't God

Stop trying to walk on water,

Because it always ends the same.

While you're at the bottom drowning,

Everyone's forgetting your name.

Despite what you want to believe,

You can't turn water to wine.

You are no miracle worker.

There is no soul divine.

Don't forget that flawless angels,

Sometimes denounce their wings.

God will only save those,

Who call themselves a king.

Good and Evil

Through the ivy watch their eyes.

While one laughs, the other cries.

The Saint cried out, "They kill out of hate!"

The Sinner laughed, "They deserve their fate."

When good versus evil, they say good will win,

But without any good, there can only be sin.

College: Work or Waste?

I graduated high school ohhh about three years ago now and the only jobs I've had were shitty no-talent ones that were usually given to me by someone I know. I worked part time retail at a high end clothing store. I quit that place as soon as I could. Then I was a part timer at a green house where my boss was a sexist, I ran the register, and watered plants all day. I was laid off. After months of no income, my mother got me ready to start working where she worked: a factory. I was laid off from there 4 months later. Now I have a paper route with my boyfriend that pays better than minimum wage, the hours are short, and we make tips. But the paper route eats through cars and gas. We usually manage to break even, but it has become increasingly difficult.

When I tell other people about our struggle to pay bills, I get the same response every single time:
"You'll make more money if you go to college."

Last night on the BBC radio station, they talked to some women in New York who lost their jobs. One of them had a Ph.D. in Physics and she lost her job to outsourcing to India.

While my point is about college, here's a side note: Americans KNOW our unemployment rate is psychotically high. Why the ever living fuck are we still sending jobs to other countries?

Anyway, I ask myself, "Will college really get me a better paying job?" and the sub-question to go with it: "Will that job even be something I like?" Because lets face it, as a female, I never know what I want. How can I be absolutely positive that I want a job for example, as a doctor? I work well under pressure (if you can ignore my temper) but I don't like dealing with people at my job unless they're my co-workers and I have to. I want to be a writer, but most colleges (especially ones I could afford) don't have any place for writers. "So why not look for writing schools?" I did, but they're expensive. Essentially, the only way to afford college is by getting loans, but I hardly make any money, so how can I pay those loans back? "Don't be silly. Once you're published, you'll make the money back to pay the loans back." The chances of becoming as rich as J.K. Rowling as a writer are astronomically improbable and that's not even WHY I want to write! I want to write so I can share my stories, not to live in a castle. (What the fuck does J.K. Rowling need with a fucking castle anyway?)

If people with Ph.D.s in Physics can lose their jobs to outsourcing and all jobs are now requiring degrees in something, factory work is now being done in China, it SOUNDS like it makes sense to go to college, BUT YOU ARE STILL UNLIKELY TO GET HIRED. I'll keep my paper route and attend writers workshops umtil college actually becomes worth my time and money.

This has been a public services rant brought to you by Lady Blades. "The more you know, the less stupid you might become."